Inhibited grieving can keep painful emotions stuck beneath the surface. In DBT, inhibited grieving is often discussed alongside unrelenting crises because the two patterns can keep each other going.
Recently, I made a meme about one of the dialectical dilemmas in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT: inhibited grieving vs. unrelenting crises.
On one side, a person chronically suppresses or avoids grief related to loss, trauma, or painful life events. On the other side, repeated crises keep consuming attention and energy.
Over time, the crises can function as a distraction from grieving. Meanwhile, unresolved grief continues to increase emotional vulnerability.
That is part of what makes this dilemma so powerful.
Inhibited Grieving in DBT
Inhibited grieving happens when a person avoids, suppresses, or gets stuck around grief. Sometimes that grief is tied to a death. Sometimes it is tied to trauma, betrayal, family pain, disappointment, or the loss of a hoped-for life.
The grief does not disappear just because it is pushed away.
Instead, it often stays active in the background. It can show up as numbness, irritability, shame, emotional avoidance, or chronic vulnerability. It may also make reminders of pain harder to tolerate.
As a result, the person may avoid the grief even more.
Unrelenting Crises as a Distraction
Unrelenting crises can then take over. A person may move from one emergency to the next, with little time to reflect, grieve, or recover.
Sometimes the crises are external. Sometimes they are interpersonal. Sometimes they are emotional, behavioral, or practical.
Either way, they can become a constant source of urgency.
That urgency does something important: it keeps attention on the immediate fire.
In the short term, this can create distance from deeper grief. However, the relief is temporary. Because the grief remains unresolved, emotional vulnerability continues, and new crises become more likely.
How Inhibited Grieving and Unrelenting Crises Maintain Each Other
This is why inhibited grieving and unrelenting crises can become self-perpetuating.
Unprocessed grief fuels emotional instability. Emotional instability contributes to more crises. Then those crises absorb the person’s time, energy, and focus, which makes it harder to return to the grief and process it.
People may move back and forth between the two poles.
At one moment, there is avoidance, numbness, or disconnection. At another moment, there is chaos, urgency, or collapse.
The movement between those two states can be exhausting.
In DBT, naming the pattern matters. When we can see the cycle more clearly, we are less likely to mistake it for random failure or personal weakness.
Behavioral Tech has also written about dialectical dilemmas in DBT, including inhibited grieving and unrelenting crises: https://behavioraltech.org/dialectical-dilemmas-dbt-part-2/
Breaking the Cycle in DBT
DBT helps people interrupt this cycle in several ways.
First, it helps people build enough stability to survive the crises that are right in front of them. Next, it helps them increase awareness of avoidance, emotional vulnerability, and painful patterns.
Finally, DBT helps people develop skills to approach grief without becoming completely overwhelmed.
That does not mean grief becomes easy.
It does mean people can learn to move toward pain with more support, more structure, and more self-respect.
Over time, this can reduce the need for constant crisis as a way of escaping what hurts.
At YFI, we support youth, young adults, adults, and families navigating grief, anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, self-harm, suicide risk, ADHD, emotion dysregulation, family stress, and repeated crises. Our team provides comprehensive DBT, parent coaching, skills training, phone coaching, and coordinated care for clients who need more support. Learn more about our DBT services here: https://youthandfamilyinstitute.com/dbt/
For families and clinicians in Bel Air Estates, Beverly Glen, Pacific Palisades, Malibu, Manhattan Beach, Brentwood, Sawtelle, Santa Monica, Mar Vista, and Venice, YFI provides evidence-based care with warmth, clarity, and respect. To learn more or connect with our team, please visit our contact page: https://youthandfamilyinstitute.com/contact/
