Haircut anxiety can make a barber chair feel much more threatening than it looks. I felt personally attacked by this Onion headline: “Man practices haircut request before heading to barber.”
Julia has been cutting my hair since we got married 19 years ago.
My nervous system goes into full threat response when I sit in a barber’s chair. I had one terrible haircut freshman year of high school, and apparently my brain filed that memory under: barbershops are unsafe. Never again.
Recently, though, I started doing what is basically flooding exposure when I travel.
I have been getting a haircut in each country I visit. Just me, some clippers, a language I do not understand, and a haircut trauma from decades ago.
Healing is weird sometimes.
You can read the Onion article here: https://theonion.com/man-practices-haircut-request-before-heading-to-barber-1819578836/
Haircut Anxiety and Threat Response
Haircut anxiety may sound funny at first. However, fear learning does not always care whether the original event seems “serious enough” years later.
A single bad experience can become sticky.
The brain can take one painful, embarrassing, or helpless moment and file it as danger. Then, years later, the body may respond as if the old threat is happening again.
That can happen even when the adult mind knows the situation is probably safe.
In my case, the situation is a barber’s chair. For someone else, it might be the dentist, a doctor’s office, a classroom, a test, a car, an elevator, or a difficult conversation.
Exposure Therapy and Facing Old Fears
Exposure therapy involves facing feared situations in a planned way. The goal is not to overwhelm someone for no reason. Instead, the goal is to help the brain learn that the feared situation can be tolerated.
Sometimes exposure is gradual. Sometimes it is more intense.
Apparently, I chose the “get a haircut in another country” version.
That is not necessarily what I would recommend as the first step for everyone. However, the principle is familiar: approach what anxiety tells you to avoid, and learn through experience.
To learn more about exposure therapy, visit: https://www.nyp.org/youthmentalhealth/exposure-therapy
Why Avoidance Keeps Anxiety Alive
Avoidance makes sense in the short term.
If something feels threatening, staying away from it can bring immediate relief. However, that relief teaches the brain that avoidance worked.
Over time, the avoided situation can feel even more dangerous.
That is one reason anxiety can grow around ordinary parts of life. The more we avoid, the less chance the brain has to update the old fear memory.
Exposure creates a different kind of learning.
It gives the nervous system a chance to discover: this is uncomfortable, but I can get through it.
Healing Is Weird Sometimes
Healing does not always look profound.
Sometimes it looks like sitting in a barber’s chair in a country where you do not understand the language and hoping for the best.
Sometimes it looks like laughing at an Onion headline because it gets a little too close to the truth.
And sometimes it looks like noticing that an old fear does not have to keep making every decision.
I am still grateful Julia cut my hair for 19 years.
I am also grateful my brain is learning that barbershops may not be as dangerous as it once believed.
At YFI, we support youth, young adults, adults, and families navigating anxiety, OCD, PTSD, depression, ADHD, emotion dysregulation, self-harm, suicide risk, school stress, family stress, and avoidance patterns. Our team provides evidence-based care, including DBT, parent coaching, skills training, phone coaching, and coordinated support when clients and families need more help. Learn more about our DBT services here: https://youthandfamilyinstitute.com/dbt/
For families in Brentwood, Pacific Palisades, and Santa Monica, YFI provides evidence-based care with warmth, clarity, and respect through our West LA location. To learn more or connect with our team, please visit our contact page: https://youthandfamilyinstitute.com/contact/
